This page covers the few things we'd like everyone caring for the baby to follow. It's mostly safety, and mostly about the baby getting the same answer from all of us. Some of it will feel obvious now and matter more later, so it's worth another look as the baby grows.
Our one golden rule
When in doubt, just ask us.
Food, drink, medicine, a new cream, a change to the routine — a quick "is this okay?" and we're sorted. You will never be bothering us. We'd genuinely rather be asked ten times than guessed at once.
The one area where we'd ask you to check with us every single time.
Please ask before giving the baby anything at all to eat or drink — including water, juice, or a taste of something from your plate.
Only the milk or food we've prepared and approved, following the quantity and timing we're working to. Feeding is the one thing where being out of sync creates real problems.
Nothing added to the bottle — no cereal, no ghutti, no sugar, nothing to help baby sleep longer — unless we've specifically asked.
No honey until after the first birthday. It can carry a bacterium that a baby's gut can't handle yet. This one is worth remembering even for a taste on the finger.
Never microwave a bottle — it creates hot spots that can scald baby's mouth even when the bottle feels fine. Warm water bath instead.
Never prop a bottle or leave baby feeding on their own, even for a moment.
Please skip the traditional first-foods — ghutti, janam ghutti, gripe water, sugar water, herbal preparations. We know they were standard, and we'll happily show you what changed and why.
When solids start — around 6 months
The rules stay simple: please check before offering any new food. We introduce one new thing at a time and watch for reactions, so a surprise bite of something can genuinely confuse the picture — especially with nuts, egg, and dairy. Baby also needs to be sitting up properly and supervised for anything they eat, and some foods are choking risks at this age (whole grapes, nuts, hard raw carrot, popcorn, big chunks). Once we're past the first year, this relaxes a lot — but the "check first" habit stays useful for a while.
2 · Sleep
Every nap, every night, everyone. This is the rule we're strictest about — the evidence behind it is very strong.
Always on the back — for naps and nights, from day one.
In the crib or bassinet, on a flat firm mattress, with nothing else in there — no pillows, rai pillows, blankets, quilts, bumpers, toys or positioners. It looks bare. Bare is correct.
If baby falls asleep in your arms and you're getting drowsy too, put them in the crib. It's the safe move, not a lost cuddle.
Bouncers, swings, prams, sofas and adult beds are fine for cuddles and dozing under your eye, but not for actual sleeping.
Please don't sleep holding the baby on a sofa, chair or bed — this is the situation that most often goes wrong, even with the most careful adults.
No bed-sharing, and nothing covering baby's face or head while asleep.
Later on
Around 12 months a light blanket becomes fine, and the bare-crib rule eases. Baby will also start rolling over on their own from about 4 months — at that point you don't need to flip them back, but we'll still always start them on their back.
3 · Holding & everyday safety
Your hands remember all of this. Just three refreshers.
Support the head and neck for the first couple of months. Sitting down for cuddles is easier on everyone.
Never leave baby alone on a bed, sofa, or changing table — a hand stays on them, always. Babies learn to roll suddenly and without warning.
No hot tea or coffee while holding the baby, and phones away while walking with them.
Never shake a baby, even gently or in play — and no tossing in the air. Their neck muscles and brain aren't ready for it.
Never leave baby alone with a pet, however gentle and familiar the animal is.
4 · Illness & germs
The first three months especially. We'll be strict here, and we want you to know it isn't fussiness.
Wash or sanitise hands before holding the baby — especially coming in from outside.
If you're unwell at all, please skip the cuddles — even mild symptoms. A cough, cold, sore throat, upset stomach, or cold sore. Sit nearby and chat instead.
Please tell us if you have symptoms, rather than deciding it's just allergies or nothing. We'll never make a fuss about it.
No kissing baby's face or hands — hands go straight into the mouth. The top of the head is fine.
Why we're so careful — the part that surprised us too
A fever of 38°C or higher in a baby under three months is a medical emergency, not a wait-and-watch. Doctors can't tell just by looking whether it's an ordinary virus or something serious, so the standard hospital response for a very young baby is:
Blood tests and blood cultures
A urine sample, sometimes taken by catheter
A lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to rule out meningitis
IV antibiotics and admission for observation
In the first few weeks, all of that can happen even if the baby looks perfectly well. So when we're careful about a visitor with a mild cold, we're not trying to avoid a runny nose — we're trying to avoid a hospital admission and a spinal tap. It gets much easier after three months.
This eases considerably
After 3 months we relax a lot, and after the first birthday even more. Colds become ordinary childhood business. The handwashing habit is worth keeping forever, though — it's the single best thing any of us do.
5 · Medicines, oils & remedies
Please check with us before anything goes in, on, or near the baby.
Any medicine, supplement or remedy — including gripe water, ghutti, ayurvedic or herbal preparations, colic or teething remedies, vitamins, and anything over the counter.
Any new cream, balm, oil or product for skin or hair. Baby skin reacts easily, and if something flares up we need to know what's new.
Never change a prescribed dose because it looks too much or too little — please just call us, we'll check.
No kajal or surma in or around the eyes — many preparations contain lead, which is now known to be harmful even in tiny amounts.
Nothing in the nose or ears — no oil, drops, or home remedies. Oil in particular can end up in the lungs.
A note on all of this
Plenty of these were completely standard when you were raising children, and your children turned out well. What changed is the evidence, not the intentions. The one-page Then vs Now sheet walks through exactly what changed and why — genuinely interesting reading over a cup of chai.
6 · Clothing & keeping warm
The instinct is to bundle. In Mumbai, the opposite is usually right.
Babies don't need extra bundling just because they're small. Overheating is actually the bigger risk here — one light layer more than you're comfortable in is the guide.
Judge warmth at the chest or the back of the neck, not the hands and feet. Baby hands and feet are almost always cool — it doesn't mean they're cold.
Face and head uncovered while sleeping, and no hats indoors.
No hot-water bottles or heating pads near the baby, and out of direct sun and heat when we're outside.
7 · When the baby cries
Crying is a newborn's only language. It's rarely an emergency.
Crying doesn't automatically mean hungry. Please don't feed to settle — check with us and we'll tell you where we are in the feeding rhythm.
Holding, rocking, walking, talking, singing — all yours, and all effective. This is the kind of soothing grandparents tend to be best at.
If you're getting frustrated or overwhelmed — and everyone does, it's a hard sound to sit with — put baby safely in the crib on their back and come find one of us. That's the right move, not a failure.
Never shake a crying baby. Worth saying out loud once, because it happens to loving people at the end of a long night.
8 · Pacifiers & things that go in the mouth
Nothing dipped in honey or sugar — including pacifiers.
Don't clean a dropped pacifier in your own mouth — adult mouth bacteria cause cavities and infections later. Rinse it instead.
No sharing spoons or cutlery with the baby, for the same reason.
Please check before giving teethers, toys or objects we haven't already put in the rotation.
Once baby is mobile — from about 6 months
Assume everything within reach goes into the mouth. The things that genuinely worry us: coins, button batteries, magnets, nuts, plastic bags, and small toy parts. If it fits through a toilet-roll tube, it's a choking risk. Hot drinks and food need to be well out of reach too — a toddler can reach further and faster than seems possible.
9 · Car & going out
Baby always travels strapped into the car seat — every journey, however short, however slow. This is the one we'd ask you to hold firm on even when it's inconvenient.
Never in arms in a moving car, and please don't lift baby out of the seat while the car is moving, even if they're crying. Ask the driver to stop instead.
Never leave baby alone in a car, not for a minute — heat builds dangerously fast here.
Pram and car-seat straps fastened properly every time.
10 · Photos & sharing
Take as many as you like. Just check before they travel.
Please ask before posting photos or videos online or forwarding them to WhatsApp groups.
We'll decide what gets shared publicly — not because of anything anyone's done, just because it's a decision we'd like to make deliberately while the baby can't.
Family groups are usually a yes — a quick message to us and it's done.
11 · Visits & timings
The rhythm that works best in a newborn household.
Mornings and early afternoons are golden. Babies and mothers are both at their best before 4 PM. Evenings are the fussy hours — the house needs quiet more than company then.
Short and often beats long and rare. An hour most days is worth more than a full day once a week.
Please check with us before inviting anyone over to meet the baby — even close friends and relatives. The first weeks are a very small circle, and it isn't personal to anyone.
Baby's routine outranks the occasion. If it's nap time during a celebration, the nap wins. There will be hundreds of celebrations.
Visitors hold the baby only after checking with us — and seated, with clean hands.
12 · Supporting mom
Honestly the highest-value thing anyone in this house can do.
Tell her she's doing well — often, and specifically. A new mother hears a lot of instructions and very little praise.
Ask "how are you?" — meaning her, not the baby — and then just listen. Nothing needs fixing.
Company during feeds, and an hour of holding baby so she can nap or shower. The most useful things anyone can offer.
Tears in the first two weeks are normal — hormones, not unhappiness. Reassurance that it's normal is the whole treatment.
Please, no comments on her body, weight, or milk supply — and none on how she feeds the baby. Breast, bottle or both, it's her decision and it's going fine.
No comparisons — to your own deliveries, to other babies, or to how it was done before. Every sentence that starts "in our time" can safely end at "…things were different".
Advice when asked for, and mostly not otherwise. The hardest one on this page. A useful way through it: "would you like a suggestion, or just a listening ear?"
One thing to keep an eye on
If after a couple of weeks she seems flat, hopeless, or can't sleep even when the baby is sleeping — please mention it quietly to dad. That's not a judgement of anyone; it's a medical signal, it's very common, and it's very treatable. Grandmothers usually spot it before anyone else does.
13 · The fun part
This is your actual job, and nobody does it better.
Your face is the best toy in the house. Hold baby about 25 cm away and make slow expressions. They'll study you completely. This is literally brain-building.
Talk and sing constantly — Hindi, English, all of it. The lullabies and rhymes you already know are exactly what the research recommends, and growing up with more than one language is a real advantage.
Tell stories long before baby understands them. The voice is the point, not the plot.
Copy their sounds back. Coo when they coo, then pause and wait for a reply. That back-and-forth is baby's first conversation.
Let them grip your finger. That covers most of the first month.
The years ahead
From 4–6 months: peekaboo, clapping games, and singing with actions. From a year: books, stacking things, walks and being chased around the house. Reading aloud daily is the single highest-value thing anyone can do for a child's development, at any age.
14 · As baby becomes mobile
Roughly 6 months onwards, when everything changes.
Let baby get there in their own time. No propping them to sit, or standing or walking them before they're ready — and please don't lift them by the arms (shoulders dislocate easily at this age).
No walkers — they're linked to falls and actually delay walking. Doctors here and abroad now advise against them.
Small objects out of reach entirely once crawling starts: coins, nuts, button batteries, magnets, medicines, plastic bags.
Please check before handing over phones, keys or household objects to play with — some are more hazardous than they look.
15 · If something seems wrong
You don't need to diagnose anything. Two steps, that's all.
1 · Tell us immediately — anything that worries you, however small, however inconvenient the hour. You're extra eyes and experienced ones. Please don't wait to avoid bothering us; we'd always, always rather know.
2 · If we're not reachable and it's urgent, call 112 (ambulance 102). The paediatrician's number and hospital details are on the fridge and saved in all our phones.
Call us and the doctor straight away if baby
Falls or hits their head · has trouble breathing · lips or skin turn blue or unusually pale · is choking · has a seizure or rhythmic jerking · has a fever or feels unusually hot or cold · vomits repeatedly or unusually · refuses several feeds · has far fewer wet nappies than usual · is unusually sleepy, floppy, or hard to wake · is inconsolable and something just doesn't seem right.
And the reassuring half
Crying, hiccups, sneezing, milk spit-up, and twitchy noisy sleep are all completely normal and need nothing at all. When you're unsure which kind of thing you're looking at, the answer is always the same and always welcome: come and get us.